What a strange time these past few weeks have been. I would believe it’s just me, however the more people I hear from the more I realize this feeling is passing. Either that or I depress everyone I talk to and hear the worst parts of their lives. (I wouldn’t really be surprised) Either way, it’s plum.
Some days are not as terrible as the rest and the highs are still there, the highs are what keeps you going and even if they aren’t a constant, it doesn’t completely matter, as long as they are existent. The little things in life are the biggest. The little acts of kindness to make you feel loved, the kind words from friends that make you smile and the little moments of sadness that break your heart.
It’s not all bad and it’s not terrible to feel sad. I’m maybe wrong but by allowing yourself to feel sad and wollow in the depths for a while can also be like therapy. The sadness just makes the brightness shine even more gloriously when it comes through.
I had a conversation with my sister the other day about a friend. We were scrolling through facebook and saw a post of how she had been on a night out and were remarking to each other about how beautiful she is. We both were in awe of her amazingness because we know the personality that shines behind that beautiful face. The more we discussed her awesomeness, the more I hoped that this is how others spoke about us behind our backs. There was no downside to the conversation, there couldn’t be, she’s a beautiful human inside and out. It didn’t have to be a women empowering women thing, it was just seeing the light in everything, which can be done with great practice, although it isn’t always easy, in fact sometimes impossible, especially if that someone is just a bit of a douche.
Also if you are reading this and think it was you, chances are, it is.
This week my hair loss cycle came like a badass and decided it was going to obliterate my hard work. I have spent a few months growing what I believed to be a decent hairstyle, only for my body to make a u-turn. I can’t complain, it’s been a beast of a few months, but it seems when you finally gain confidence that you are achieving and doing well, life has other plans, but that’s fine. Like tubthumping convinced me that I will get back up again, you’re never gonna keep me down. (mostly, i might stay down for a bit,but we can get there)
It’s not quite at the point yet when I need to go full skinhead, but that time may come soon and if you ever find yourself in the position where you are going to lose your hair, I have some advice. It will be horrible and hard and your self esteem may take a nosedive, but what you can do is shave it to the bone. Once it’s as low as you can get it, don’t sit with that, take a nice little razor you use for your legs and arse and shave your head so that it’s as smooth as a baby’s butt. It’s extremely satisfying and soft, compared to rubbing the jagged remains of what used to be your luscious locks. Also anything that suctions sticks to your head, so you can at least have some fun with it and see how much random crap you can create as your “new doo”.
You may also feel rather liberated from others’ views on your image.(this is also another challenge of putting your bare self out there, be brave though. it’s worth it.) People see into you as a person after they get over the initial “deer in headlights’ ‘ reaction, and they love you as you are. Always. And if anyone doesn’t, then you know who needs to get off your boat.
Tonight I began trying to make a shark Halloween costume for one of my kids, which in theory didn’t sound too bad, but in practice however it wasn’t great. It wasn’t going terribly until my sewing machine broke, and would not feed the material through any longer. I tried fixing it and making it work with what I had, but it just wouldn’t .Now usually I would just get on facebook messenger and send my papa a million pictures and videos of me breaking the machine even further trying to explain what the hell I was doing. I would then wait for the forthcoming advice on what I actually needed to do to fix it, before eventually deciding to take it to his house for him to fix.. He would usually trade me for one from his collection of many (approx 20, we`ve counted) before he would return my original, good as new and serviced. This won’t happen again and it was a sore one.
The last time this happened, it turned out to be one of the funniest days i’ve had with my papa. We were in his kitchen setting up and testing another loaner machine he was giving me, when he realised it wasn’t quite working. He disappeared off to one of the many caravans and appeared with another machine, from another era. We plugged it in and hey presto it worked, kind of, and then it didn’t. .No bother though, off he went and grabbed another. Checked this new one and tried stitching, amazingly it worked! We were delighted, laughing our heads off thinking we were fabulous. This was short lived of course. “oh crap, no. This ones on fire, that won’t do.”
It felt like a scene from the most ridiculous comedy movie, and mirrored what my papa’s life as an engineer and general darn good handy man was. He fixed everything and now, google and youtube will have to become my best friend, because working items don’t seem to last in my home. We all miss him so much and I imagine this is why the world feels rather dark and cloudy, and as if there is a thunderstorm brewing just behind us constantly. It won’t always feel like this I know, but it’s plum.
Luckily it’s not the end of the world, just yet, which is also rather unfortunate as I will actually have to finish making two halloween costumes.
One of my best friends from work also got a new job. I couldn’t be more happy for her and no matter where she goes she will thrive, however I may also have to start seeing a counsellor as therapy Thursdays are no more. In actual fact I’m hoping to see her more, as there are just some people you can’t live without. These people are, (like i have said before) jems (litterally). They send you random gifts in the mail to give you a boost, they walk with you and hug you until you cant take it anymore, they do ridiculous favors that you feel guilty for asking. They take time for you and when you are able to, you can give it back, but they are worth a million notifications on whatsapp pinging all day and late night conversations that ruin your sleep and so much more. (thats possibly just my pals, but they are fabulous)
Finally, a fun fact I learned this week…. is that broccoli is a man made vegetable. Mindblown.
And just incase you need a laugh, haeres the face my sister makes when doing DIY… shes a better!
I hope the world is kind to you this week.