We are so very grateful for the weekend. We had a week of chicken pox last week with my eldest after the most brutal sick bug ever. I now have to wait 2 weeks to see if my youngest will get them too! Oh deep joy.
Saturday morning and it begun as it should, chilling on the sofa watching a movie and having my face licked by a 4 year old. This week has been a bit of a downer for quite alot of people I have spoken to, possibly because of whats going on in this mad world. Either way, its been delightful to have the weekend and not have a lot of plans for it. We did have a few plans to go to my grans Croft and fix a few things around the place, which we did.
Inevitably I became a genius because I had watched a few videos on Facebook and then declared myself fit for the task. The task in hand, was stripping the rotten wood from a caravan door floor and making it solid again. Strangely, the videos must have worked, as well a having a long line of fixers in the family as the door and floor were pretty much fully functioning by the end of the day. ” Its all in the jeans” as my papa would say. “no expensive ones either”.
The end of February felt like living in limbo. The world was coming out of the pandemic and straight into a war, so really a lot of us were just hanging around waiting to see if the world would end or not. Was it worth making the effort to try in life or not was the question.
For me luckily this feeling has passed, and I have decided to give it a go. Definitely not sure if im 1000% invested but I have some motivation to improve my life. I say the feeling has passed, but im not convinced, but im trying. This week has been so heavy, not like a usual heavy where your body feels weighted down by the world, but emotionally heavy. Its not in the head even (luckily because my brain is still pure mush) but the heart, understandably really.
Sunday morning was not as peaceful as yesterday and involved a football festival, which is both severely enjoyable and frustrating. Coaching the kids, I really do adore so much so you get caught up in the game and shouting on the kids from the sidelines. Do they care? no chance. Do they do whatever the hell they want? of course. But they do have a great time and are more often than not rather proud of themselves.
We have had so many fun moments this week, most of them involved visiting people we love. The visits that bring the magic back to your life and revitalise your soul. So much so, we often forget that others are watching. Luckily I don’t care too much as im not sure how it would look, chasing two kids down the street on a Batman scooter with a rock and roll helmet. Personally, I feel I was teaching them loads: Run fast and you wont get caught, always wear a helmet no matter what age you are, don’t stop and fun isn’t only for the young. ( I should clarify, these were my kids and one of their scooters and helmets that they no longer wanted to take home, so I chose the best way to ensure they got home.)
Its been a time of trying to decide what to do in life and where to go. I know pondering big life questions for any length of time isn’t a great idea, especially if you have no idea of a possible answer. By Friday I had spent too much of the week already pondering and got my brain in a sludgy knot. My people filter was not turned on and conversations consisted of bare truth that really didn’t need to be out there.
Bumping into a friend in Tesco “are you alright? No.” my brain internally then corrects me, however its too late and I have given myself away. Not that I am actually not okay, because I am. Im fine really , Im just having a slow day.
Im not okay because I don’t remember what the hell I came to Tesco for and I have a really wet foot. (From stepping in a ridiculously deep puddle) Oh and of course I choose a basket when I knew I would need a trolley. Am I ok? Most definitely, am I functioning? like windows 98, but still not that bad. I was helped to the checkout by a lovely worker in Tesco, who could not be any more helpful. We spoke about our days and I realised I was definitely fine, especially compared to her story. She had lost a family member and was uprooting her life to support the rest of the family, without much of a deal about it. I offered her the best of luck in her new venture, and forgot to even offer condolences for her lost family.
Thankfully that was the end of my inappropriate responses to conversations for the day, I think.
Want a good memory..? Think about the best nap you ever had and describe it. That feeling sticks.
If you need a pick me up, have a read of Rhold Dahls story of Red riding hood and then follow it up with his version of the three little pigs. You wont be disappointed, possibly slightly offended, but this is your warning and it really is worth it. ( If you need it sent to you, let me know, Im more than happy to share some questionable stories.)
I also came across this idea which is not new but explains a few things. So for long enough I have questioned why people have daily mantras and things that they will surround themselves with, like life quotes and that kind of idea. So in essence you can read something once and it may stick in you memory for a while, however new information comes in and its often the newer information that we remember first. Why? because its easily accessible. Its like your brain is a washing basket. The more and more you put into it, the less chance you have at recovering your smelly pants from the bottom. Its so much easier to wash and reclaim the items lingering at the top.
Now the more you think about it, this applies to multiple areas of your life. So as a kid, you get these memories good and bad, that become like core values and beliefs. Over time we add more and more on top of this. We cant keep everything, so we throw away the things that don’t match our core beliefs or “fashion sense”. This isn’t always a great thing if you don’t have amazing core beliefs from the start and essentially your fashion sense becomes rather dodgy. (or your belief system about yourself is warped and continues to be)
How do we fix this dodgy fashion sense (thinking)? We did to the bottom of the pile and see whats actually worth keeping. Do we actually find accidental core beliefs like : I am weak.
Chuck it, in fact, don’t chuck it we need to recycle these days. Re-design that ugly item (I am weak) into something more fitting. How? Find evidence that it doesn’t fit you. (that you are strong)
This may make sense to someone, or it may be a pile of brain mumble, but I have been finding it a really interesting subject, if you know anything about this topic, let me know, share it, im sure there is going to be a few people wanting to heal themselves from the past few years.
Also my youngest new favourite quote of the week is: ” Get oot the windae cat!” shouted at the top of his lungs of course. Thank you again Gran for your inspiring words.
I hope this next week is fabulous and full of rainbows and less dog shit. May the odds be ever in your favour!
Enjoy this picture of my kid eating a kit-kat like its a sandwich. Hes got a lot to learn.