Well I don’t even know anymore. Covid is a long lost thing of the past, well mostly at least. The lingering stains of its existence on life however is not. I sound like a drama queen. I think its because I will be reaching a large milestone this year. Its just another birthday but suddenly I feel rather allot older. I have absolutely loads to feel proud of but it feels rather odd.
I don’t want to talk. I don’t want to write. I am a miserable bag right now and I don’t mind. Misery only last for as long as I let it and right now I just want to bask in the depths, loving it for exactly what it is. Misery helps shit shine.
Welcome back and hopefully my brain has finally caught up enough to carry on. If not, I still don’t care.
This post begun in April and it is officially July, nearly August. I was rather a miserable bag for a number of months, and to be honest I didn’t mind. I kind of enjoyed it, apart from the no sleep or focus part, but crying shamelessly for unbeknownst reasons and just being a general shitebag worked well. My lovely friends and family managed to put up with me and not mention it once.
Im pretty sure I am generally a moanbag, however the impending birthdays of my partner and mine really sunk the depths of our emotions. We enjoy celebrating things as long as it doesn’t revolve around us. So having 30 looming over us was weird and icky. I know its literally not a patch on the experience of life, however having not reached such an age previously, it was rather a deal.
Its done now anyway and we did have rather a fabulous time. My partner had pre-warned me that he didn’t want a deal made of his birthday, infract he couldn’t even decide on what he would like as a gift. I couldn’t not get him something, however being the nosy knob that he is, he found it all, tried it on and asked me to send it back at least a week before his birthday. Fabulous eh. It worked out anyway and I waited until he finally mentioned something that he actually wanted, a mere 2 months later.
My sons birthday is also a few days before his so for the past 9 years it has become a non event. His 22nd birthday was spent in the hospital with our newborn son and he didn’t really care that it was no longer about him, if anything he enjoyed the peace.
My birthday was slightly different and was spread across a few weeks. Between BBQs, Family meals and some personal visits it ended up being well spent. Much adored by a fair few folks and a 2 tier cake pretty much to myself. I did have multiple cakes of course and was overwhelmed by love and kindness, so much so that I was pretty social`ed out and spent every evening for a week or two in complete silence. (Give my brain a chance to catch up with itself)
To top it all off, the summer holidays are here and for the first time ever I have a job which allows me to have the whole 6 weeks off! Never in my life did I believe this joy exists but its true. It doesn’t mean I get to actually chill out (the kids make sure of that) but its not bad. I like my kids company again when we are not running about keeping up with activities.
Because its the holidays we spent some time building a holiday bucket list (which we lost of course). It has never disappointed and my kids are rather easy to please. This year has had the regular things like beach, trampoline park, swimming and camping. My youngest however wants to go to the fish shop. The dead fish shop. Not the aquarium, I double checked but for some reason he loves seeing the poor things pre-slaughtered on ice. So to blow his mind, I am looking for the biggest “dead fish shop” in the north east of Scotland. In fact anywhere in Scotland, I am willing to travel and maybe even make a wee holiday out of it.
This may be as good as it gets. My neighbor also asked if I was having a baby the other day also, so I no longer give a hoot what we spend our summer holidays doing, but it should probably be involving some kind of exercise.
The last week of term was also one of the most intestine things I have seen, The kids are feral, the teachers are just clinging on for the end and parents are devastated they have to look after their own kids for a few weeks all damn day! (I have been on the other end of this spectrum and it really is a lot more enjoyable not having to fit the summer holidays around a job.) We have began to participate in hobbies again! We have grown cucumbers and strawberries so far, began to learn to crotchet and my kids in particular have swapped out wrestling moves for clean punches in the face. We are all learning so to speak.
The kids have been rather ridiculous and are only getting worse. For example, I trusted them to go to the park one day. The park is at the bottom of our street but I cant see it from the house. The boys being the incredible souls that they are went all out with their 15 minute trip to the park. They were barely away before returning absolutely buzzing, talking about how this bird let them stroke it and that it was dead friendly. They even named him. They didn’t know our area is a bird flu influenza restriction zone at the moment and I told them to go inside and scrub themselves quickly and that they weren’t allowed to go near birds just now. Heres me thinking that would be that, not actually looking close enough to see they have brought the thing home with them.
My nephew then drops said bird from his arms as he realized it may be sick and he probably didn’t enjoy its adventure as much as he thought it would. It was a baby seagull! Still about the size of a cat none the less, so the boys thought we could keep him as a pet.
The boys are now only allowed to play in the garden. surely we cant fuck that up.
