Bad mum diaries..
This week I’ve been a bad mum. It’s okay though, I know I don’t live this way all the time and also the kids don’t notice, so really I can’t be that bad. I apologised to my kids for being grumpy and my eldest said “when?”
He was totally unaware of my shorter temper and broiling mood. Which means I must be doing something right, or I’m completely over-estimating how much attention others pay to any individual. Either way, it makes no difference.
Anyway, how am I a crap mum? (by my own standards for myself) I forgot to download my son’s pictures from his learning journal. This website is the super nifty way the teachers communicate what the kids have been upto and remind us of special days at school (luckily). You get a certain amount of time so save all the pictures and feedback before it gets deleted and I was too late.
The memories are now gone (i only have a huge box of this years drawings….damn!) and I don’t think I would be so gutted if I hadn’t been so self concerned all week.
I spent this week guilting myself for not organising anything for the holidays and signing the kids up for summer camps while I was on holiday from work. They dont give a crap, but obviously I was in the mood for some self abuse.
I’ve also been a bit concerned about an event that’s a few months away, but is something I will have to be presentable for. This would never have been much of an issue before especially with my long hair I could curl however now, when I dress up I look like a thumb.
I’m still fabulous and have a great personality ( I know, right) however this minor issue of not looking like a potato feels impossible.
I also can do nothing about this situation at this moment in time, so you know, why am I bothering?
There’s definitely more pressing issues in our lives right now. For example this week I have had quite a few comments of how cute and gorgeous my youngest is with his big blue eyes and mad curly blonde hair. I think he’s cute, and it’s quite nice when someone reminds you that you’re not wrong. However, each time someone has said this, it just happens to be after an episode of my son being a full on demon gremlin screaming at the top of his lungs, or pulling my leg hair (because of course I have wild hairy legs and none on my head, its my karma) whilst moaning he can’t do something.
I spend my time smiling through gritted teeth and mumbling about how I only have one nerve left that he is already hammering. One lady in Tesco even suggested I buy my child a sweetie because he’s so cute. Baffled and ready to scream, I left the shop before he kicked off again.
This has been my week, and a friend suggested going to the aquarium. I said yes and spent most of the way round making sure the kids didn’t touch any fish or break anything. We were almost at the end and I took my phone out to get a picture of the kids behaving and a 10p jumped out of my pocket and sank to the bottom of one of the fish tanks.
I then had to go and report myself to the reception so a staff member could fish out the coin before it killed anything.
Can’t take us anywhere.
literally you can’t. My partner thought it would be a great idea to take us all for an ice cream and a walk around the pond to see the ducks. sounds ideal in theory, but when it came round to it, the whole expedition lasted 20 minutes and 15 of that was spent queuing to get into the ice cream shop. We spent £12 and got 4 ice-creams. 2 of which ended up on the floor and the remaining 2 were shared by the kids and the ducks.
Just another successful day out.
P.S- i know i’m not a bad mum really, I try my best as we all do. However mum guilt (the lovely thing it is) kicks in when you make any form of mistake. Big or little it’s hard not to criticize your actions/thoughts, even if someone makes the same mistake, you don’t judge them as harshly as you do yourself.
The only thing you can take from mum guilt is the fact that you know you are judging yourself because of how much love you have for your kids. You want the best for them and you include yourself in that. Mum guilt can be good as long as you take it with a pinch of salt and as a reminder that you are trying your best to be the best for your family.
When the guilt hits : Your love is enough.
